One of the things that sexual trauma does to us is silence us. It also isolates us. As we embark on our journey of healing and recovery, it becomes necessary for us to speak out and to find our place in an accepting community.
The most powerfully healing message I received after I finally began seriously dealing with my painful past was this: "You are not alone". If one person finds this blog and receives that message, it's worth it.
You are not alone. And, as long as you are alive, there is hope. Hope for healing...hope for recovery...hope for joy after sorrow.
This blog deals with some extremely painful and ugly issues such as rape and incest. It's also the story of my family -- although I'm going to try to be careful to respect everyone's privacy as well as their right to tell their own stories -- and about how I am finally beginning to overcome a legacy of family secrecy.
When I was raped at the age of 23, my family of origin did almost nothing to help. Less than a week later, my parents heard my disjointed, traumatized, rambling version of what happened. After that, it was never spoken of again (except a few times in a vague, hinting sort of way) until I entered therapy 28 years later. My mother seems to think it's enough that, after the fact, she urged me to go see a doctor, which was something I'd already done before she even knew of the rape. In her defense, she had no idea what to do and how to respond, and it's not as if I begged them for help.
By then, I was used to trying to sweep trauma under the rug. I was also used to trying to handle the really painful things in life all by myself. I had long stopped going to my parents for emotional support. I didn't realize it at the time, but years of incest at the hands of my brother had made me all too good at my own secret-keeping. In fact, it never would have dawned on me to tell my parents about the rape. It was someone else who told.
Lest someone get the wrong impression, my parents are not horrible people. I believe they love me. But, like all of us, they are flawed. Unfortunately, some of their flaws cost me dearly.
