After being on this panel/board for a bit and reading some of the postings and comments, it has become apparent to me that there is still a lot of unawareness among panel/board members as to what behaviors may constitute incest or other childhood sexual abuse, as well as almost total oblivion as to the possible aftereffects of such abuse experiences. So, I'm going to go ahead and outline some of this for you. I don't mean to put anyone down here, only to explain and give you a better idea of why certain things are happening in your life.
And you know, I've had to do this again and again over the years. I worked as a psychologist for 35+ years on the Behavioral Health Units of a huge University Medical Center, and I had to explain things not only to patients, but also to other psychotherapists. The aftereffects of sexual abuse are so pervasive, and may express themselves in so many different ways, I even needed to keep my lists handy to be sure I didn't miss something. It might be helpful for you to know that incest and/or other sexual abuse was often diagnosed based on the aftereffects that were being seen. No single aftereffect would ever serve to diagnose, but when you see five, six, or seven of them in one person, it becomes pretty obvious. So here we go. I'm going to begin with what I call:
OVERT SEXUAL ABUSE
* Being touched in a sexual way or fondled.
* Being forced to touch another in a sexual manner.
* Being masturbated.
* Being forced to masturbate another person.
* Being forced to perform oral sex.
* Being forced to submit to oral sex.
* Being forced to perform anal intercourse.
* Being forced to submit to anal intercourse.
* Being forced to perform any type of oral/anal activity.
* Being forced to submit to any type of oral/anal activity.
* Being raped. Depends on the definition...and my inability to recall a specific incidence.
* Being force to pose for pornographic pictures, or to appear in pornographic movies or video tapes/DVDs.
* Being forced into prostitution.
* Being forced to undress and/or expose your body.
* Being forced to be sexual with animals.
* Being forced to undress before you were punished or spanked.
* Being penetrated vaginally or rectally by finger, or some other object.
COVERT SEXUAL ABUSE
* Bathed in a manner that felt invasive.
* Excessive attention given to genital hygiene.
* Being given excessive enemas or suppositories
* Being offered money for any sexually related act or conversation.
* Being subjected to comments, jokes, and/or remarks about your developing body.
* Having someone stare at your developing body, at your breasts or your groin/genitals.
* Talked to in ways that made you feel dirty.
* Called "pet" names like "whore", "bitch", or "slut",
* Being exposed to inappropriate nudity, or seeing someone else exposing themselves. This might also include being taken to a nudist/naturist camp by your parents or other family members when you were a child.
* Inappropriate and/or unwanted hugs, kisses, or tickling.
* Being "French" kissed.
* Inappropriate sleeping arrangements, sharing a bed with your parents, or with a sibling of the opposite sex.
* Being given a graphic description of sex acts.
* Being given a graphic description of your parents' sex life.
* Subjected to voyeurism. Not being given any privacy while bathing and/or dressing/undressing.
* Asked about your private life, e.g., asking a girl if she has gotten her period yet, or asking a boy if he has had a wet dream.
* Parents forcing overly rigid rules concerning dress on the child, or forcing the child to wear revealing clothing.
* Being exposed to pornography or other sexually explicit material, including having magazines such as Playboy or Penthouse around the home.
* Being forced to watch movies or videos in which sexual matters were the predominant theme.
* Being accused of immoral acts after returning home from a date.
* Being told that your parents really wanted a boy/girl, but got you instead.
* Becoming the "Little Wife" or the "Little Husband" to your opposite sexed parent. Becoming their partner in every possible way but sexually. Sharing inappropriate confidences. Emotional incest.
* Becoming enmeshed in adult sexual relationships and problems.
SEXUAL NEGLECT AND/OR ABANDONMENT
* Living with parents who repress their sexuality and physical affection, overdue touch and affection, are involved in affairs, are sexually addicted, or are acting out in a sexual manner.
* Lack of sexual boundaries in the family,
* Not being given complete and accurate information about sex, sexuality, procreation, and/or intimacy.
* Not having your questions and/or concerns about sex answered, addressed, or acknowledged.
* Not being taught that you have a right to make choices concerning your sexuality and your body.
* Not being taught about birth control.
* Not being taught about "safe" sex.
* Not having any concerns you might have had about gender identity or confusion, which commonly occur during adolescence, addressed.
* Having parents who did not model normal, healthy sexuality and/or intimacy for the child.
Now, this listing should not be considered to be exhaustive or all inclusive. There are lots of other behaviors which could be included, but this will at least give you some idea of how broad this area of incest/child abuse can be. As far as the aftereffects go, they can be divided into two very broad categories, aftereffects commonly seen in infants, children, and adolescents, and then aftereffects commonly seen in adult survivors. Remember, a diagnosis of incest or other childhood sexual abuse is usually made when the therapist sees five, six, or seven of these aftereffects in any one client. Perhaps this listing of possible aftereffects might serve to confirm for you that something definitely did happen when you were a child. So here we go:
AFTEREFFECTS OF SEXUAL TRAUMA COMMONLY SEEN IN INFANTS, CHILDREN, AND ADOLELSCENTS
* Infants: Fear of diaper change.
* Toilet training relapses.
* Smearing of feces of urine.
* Bed wetting, change in sleep patterns (excessive sleep or an inability to sleep), nightmares.
* Fear of specific situations, or persons/strangers.
* Social or emotional withdrawal, isolation.
* Personality changes.
* Loss of appetite.
* Unprovoked crying spells.
* Clinging to a significant adult.
* Excessive washing/baths, talks of being dirty or feeling dirty.
* Poor self-image, low self-esteem.
* Change in type of fantasy play, expressions of extreme victimization or violence in play.
* Refusal to go to school, delinquency, drop in grades in school.
* Difficulty in reading, in doing math, or in keeping up at school.
* Running away from, or aversion to going home.
* Attempts to control the environment, fear of the unknown, anxiety over unknown aspects of life.
* Regression to infantile behavior, clinging to childhood securities such as blankets, toys, dolls, baby bottles, etc.
* Agitation, hyperactivity, irritability, or aggressiveness.
* An overall rebelliousness towards authority.
* Suicidal thoughts, feelings, or ideation.
* Alcohol abuse or alcoholism.
* Drug abuse or addiction.
* Eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, or obesity).
* Fear of being left alone.
* Fear of being touched.
* Unexplained gagging.
* Speech problems.
* Excessive passivity.
* Ulcers, colitis, or other stress related disorders.
* Headaches or stomachaches.
* Frequent genital or urinary tract infections.
* Unexplained bruises or injuries in the genital area.
* Blood spotting or unexplained substances in the underwear.
* Physical damage to the rectal, vaginal, or mouth areas, venereal diseases or testing H.I.V. positive.
* Sexual precociousness, excessive masturbation, use of sexually explicit words or gestures that are inappropriate, given the child's age.
* Promiscuity, prostitution, sexual addiction, or obsessive-compulsive sexual behaviors.
And finally, the longest list of them all, the one that shows how incest or other childhood sexual trauma will manifest itself in the lives of adult survivors. These are the reactions you should be seeing in your life right now if you are a survivor.
POSSIBLE AFTEREFFECTS OF INCEST OR OTHER CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE IN ADULT SURVIVORS
* Depression, suicidal thoughts, feelings, ideation, or attempts.
* Anger or rage that is misdirected or is inappropriate for the situation.
* Fear and anxiety, fear of rejection and/or abandonment.
* Guilt and shame.
* Repeated victimization in relationships, jobs, and marriages.
* Emotional shutdown or over controlling of the emotions.
* Relationship difficulties, problems with trust, sharing, and intimacy.
* Sexual problems, impotency, frigidity, inhibited sexual response, disorders of desire, sexual addiction/compulsivity, promiscuity, prostitution.
* Feeling or acting asexual, sexual anorexia.
* Fear of being touched.
* Poor self-image/low self-esteem.
* Minimizing of the abuse or denying the abuse.
* Migraine headaches.
* Back pain.
* Eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, obesity)
* Sleep disorders (insomnia, excessive sleep, nightmares, night terrors).
* Flashbacks (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
* Alcohol abuse, alcoholism.
* Drug abuse, drug addiction.
* Need to be in control, or a need to pretend that you are not in control (helplessness).
* Self-abuse, self-mutilation, cutting, or burning.
* Feelings of unreality/detachment.
* Seeing self as failure.
* Feeling inadequate, wishing you were someone else.
* Inability to receive comfort or nurturing.
* Feeling ashamed when complimented.
* Feelings of envy or jealousy
* Difficult in making any type of commitment to others.
* A sense of being wrong much of the time.
* Feeling that if other people really knew you, they would reject you.
* Feelings of self-hatred.
* Testing people that love you, just to see if they really do.
* An overwhelming need to please others. (Codependency).
* Numbness in certain parts of your body.
* Repetitive negative thoughts.
* Envy of "normal" people.
* Finding it hard to connect with other people, loneliness, isolation.
* Difficulty in allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
* Problems making yourself heard.
* Fear of being used by others.
* Inability to say "No".
* Inability to recognize the truth.
* Confusion about roles, identity, gender, or sexual orientation.
* Fear of men and/or women. (Related to who abused you).
* Fear of authority and/or rules.
* Homophobia.
* Fear of speaking out or standing up for yourself, problems with assertiveness.
* Inability to relax.
*Linking abuse or sex with love.
* In and out of therapy for years with little or no progress.
* Employment and work related problems.
* Inability to reach goals.
* Money problems: Fear of having it, fear of not having it, or fear of never having enough when you have plenty.
* Inability to participate in certain activities or use certain colors, foods, clothes, or fabrics.
* Psychosomatic illnesses.
* Getting upset by certain sounds, smells, tastes, colors, touches, or weather.
* Being an underachiever or an overachiever.
* Perfectionism in any and all areas of your life.
* Self-sabotage.
* Fear of pelvic and/or rectal examinations.
* Personality disorders of all types.
* Dissociative disorders, multiple personalities, adaptable personalities, or sliding personalities.
* Antisocial, psychopathic, or sociopathic behaviors.
* Battering or being the victim of such abuse.
* Phobias and/or phobic reactions.
* Anxiety attacks.
* Disorientation, confusion.
* Hyperactivity, aggressiveness, irritability.
* Wearing clothing that is too large and that hides your body, body shame.
* Feeling "crazy" or different.
* Passive-aggressive behaviors.
* Criminal behaviors: setting fires, destroying property, theft.
* Offender status: Perpetrating sexual abuse on children, or some other form of sexual assault, such as rape.
All of these symptoms will NEVER be seen in any one individual. But when five, six, or seven are seen, the therapist knows that they are dealing with a survivor, whether the client realizes it or not.
Posted on 09/24/10, 12:47 pm
