1. Addictive behaviors – excessively turning to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, gambling as a way to push difficult emotions and upsetting trauma content further away. (How excessive is excessive?)
2. An inability to tolerate conflicts with others – having a fear of conflict, running from conflict, avoiding conflict, maintaining skewed perceptions of conflict. (Yes)
3. An inability to tolerate intense feelings, preferring to avoid feeling by any number of ways (Who, me?)
4. An innate belief that they are bad, worthless, without value or importance (Sort of) <--- I think I was being slightly facetious here, or maybe I was underestimating how poorly I thought of myself.
5. Black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking, even if this approach ends up harming themselves (Not sure) I realize now that I tend to think in extremes.
6. Chronic and repeated suicidal thoughts and feelings (Maybe not chronic)
7. Disorganized attachment patterns – having a variety of short but intense relationships, refusing to have any relationships, dysfunctional relationships, frequent love/hate relationships. Short but intense relationship...yup, I had a few before marriage.
8. Dissociation, spacing out, losing time, missing time, feeling like you are two completely different people. (Unfortunately)
9. Eating disorders – anorexia, bulimia, obesity, etc Not a true eating disorder, although my eating has been disordered at times.
10. Excessive sense of self-blame – taking on inappropriate responsibility as if everything is their fault, making excessive apologies (Yes)
11. Inappropriate attachments to mother figures or father figures, even with dysfunctional or unhealthy people. Don't think so. My therapist disagrees about father figures.
12. Intense anxiety and repeated panic attacks (Not this bad)
13. Intrusive thoughts, upsetting visual images, flashbacks, body memories / unexplained body pain, or distressing nightmares (Yes)
14. Ongoing, chronic depression (Probably)
15. Repeatedly acting from a victim role in current day relationships
16. Repeatedly taking on the rescuer role, even when inappropriate to do so
17. Self-harm, self-mutilation, self-injury, self-destruction
18. Suicidal actions and behaviors, failed attempts to suicide (Yes)
19. Taking the perpetrator role / angry aggressor in relationships
20. Unexplained but intense fears of people, places, things (Yes)
My comments from back then follow each item in parenthesis. Today's comments are in purple.
