Don't know what to think

Third session with New Therapist:

The plan was to go through some mysterious "screening tool" that she would explain afterward. Then she would describe more of the actual process of EMDR.

We didn't even make it through the screening tool. Apparently my inability to stay on task infects my therapists, causing them to throw structure and order out the window. She started asking me questions that had us jumping all over the place. Had I reported the rape? Why not? (Followed by her sort of fussing at me for not reporting.) Did I tell anyone? Had I experienced any other sexual trauma besides the years of incest and the rape? None of these had anything to do with the screening tool.

It did have something about flashbacks, without using that word. She asked some follow-up questions and then she said, sounding almost surprised, "The flashbacks you describe are a symptom of full-blown PTSD." I bit my tongue, but I wanted to say, "Well, duh. Why do you think I'm here? Haven't you been paying attention?"

She asked what triggered my flashbacks and she was way more interested in the ones I'd had during therapy. Not that she came right out and said so, but she hinted that Randy had been irresponsible in not preventing my flashbacks. Then she said something like, "I disagree with the idea of clients having flashbacks during sessions. I think it's harmful and not at all beneficial." It's not like he purposefully triggered my flashbacks or sat back and let them run their course in case they had some therapeutic benefit. I pointed out that he always brought me back to the present and that he became adept at noticing when I was starting to go away. I felt kinda defensive on his behalf.

She let me know we were going to finish the screening next week. She asked some other questions. At one point she got to see my anxiety-induced leg trembling/shaking. She made the mistake of suddenly touching my other leg in a calming gesture. That only made things worse. Why didn't she ask first? Did she think it was OK to touch me without warning because she's a woman?

So we had a talk about boundaries and touching. She said most of her clients would have found that soothing and grounding. I said I didn't know her well enough to want her to touch me. I didn't say that I was shocked that she made a habit of touching clients without warning or permission.

Apparently this session convinced her I'm a tougher case than she originally thought. Last week she said something about a total of 6-8 sessions of preparation before starting EMDR. Now she was saying that I would need 8-12 sessions, not counting the 3 we already had. "Probably more like 10 to 12 sessions." I guess she's afraid I'm going to stay lost in flashback land if we don't do all this prep work.

It's kinda discouraging.

The latest from marriage counseling:

Sigh. To make a long story short, the counselors referred me to a psychologist for diagnostic testing. They were astonished I haven't been tested for ADD. My husband was immediately on board without even making a comment about cost. Apparently this guy is going to do a full battery of tests. I'm kinda nervous.

It's not like the counselors refer everyone to this guy -- I'm only the 4th one. They had referred the other 3 after working with them for years without making any headway. From a few comments they made about one of those clients, he sounded like a psychopath.

Great. I just love being the "special" client who needs extra help.